Mom

Last Wednesday, February 8th, was a day we knew would come, but was not something we could ever be ready for. Mom's struggle with ALS took a turn for the worse over the last month, but I don't think any of us were prepared to lose her so soon. Mom had more bravery and strength than anybody I have ever known, and we take comfort in knowing that she passed at home with her family, which is exactly what she would have wanted. Mom had made it clear from the start that she did not want her final days to be in a hospital, nor did she want a home care nurse. Up until the day she passed, she was still walking (very unusual for somebody with ALS), bathing and feeding herself (through a feeding tube) and was even facilitating a health course with the University of Phoenix Online. While she was unable to speak for the last year, she did a fantastic job of communicating with her students online, as well as through email, texting, and her voice synthesizer. The thought of losing the ability to speak or swallow is unthinkable to most of us, but I did not hear my mom complain one time about her situation since the day she was diagnosed. This is woman that I can't remember being sick a day in my lifetime. She was continually active, ate great, and took good care of herself. We never know what life is going to deal us.

Mom left a letter for each of us when she passed, and I feel like the letter gave me great closure, and I can't thank her enough for leaving me such a wonderful gift. The first letter she wrote was handwritten the month she was diagnosed, and the second letter she wrote was typed five days before she passed. In the handwritten note, she mentioned that she would like to take credit for the person that I have become, but she thought it was due more to my "own determination and hard work than anything she ever did." That could not be further from the truth. The love and life lessons I took from my parents growing up have completely shaped the person that I have become today. They were always great role models, and provided a happy and supportive environment to grow up in, where the only person I had to worry about was myself. So many parents argue in front of their kids or let their kids in on any troubles they may be having, but I never heard my parents argue with one another or discuss any matters that didn't concern me. I assume they kept that between the two of them, and my brother and I lived carefree, as should all children. I always thought that they didn't have any troubles or worries, but now that I am a grown adult, I know that just can't be possible. :) As my brother and I were going through pictures for mom's service, my brother mentioned that it wasn't until we were older that he realized that our "Brady Bunch" (my words) lifestyle was not typical. You don't realize how lucky and blessed you are until you grow up and move out, and we were lucky to have the type of family that so few kids have now.

If there was an official checklist for moms, my mom would have all of the boxes marked off and then some. I don't remember her ever letting me down, and growing up, she knew when I was upset about something even when I didn't say anything (boys!). Out of all the silly plays and "dance parties" my friends and I put on, as well as every basketball and football game when I was on poms in middle school and high school, she and my dad never missed an event. I don't even remember her ever being late to pick me up from somewhere. As my friend, Tammy, mentioned in her card to me this week, mom was always so "calm and gentle" no matter how annoying we were! I don't know how she did it. Patience is definitely something I did not inherit from her! While I remember her being stern at times, I don't even remember her ever yelling at me or my brother. I also remember her cooking a hot meal every single night (as well as packing me a lunch every day!), and the four of us would eat dinner together. I couldn't even manage that for Mike and me before Andrew was born! If we didn't like what we were having for dinner, she would make me or my brother a fruit and cheese plate. She would drive me or pick me up from a friend's house no matter what time of day it was (I didn't seem to care about her schedule), and she supported me no matter what I wanted to do. I know my move to Arizona was not easy on my parents (especially with a guy I was not even engaged to at the time), but they didn't say a word. If you were sick, she was the first person to take care of you. There is one memory in particular that sticks out from when I was about 10 years old. When I was at Disney World with my friend, Emily,  my mom's brother passed away. When I returned home, she was gone; however, she had taken the time to leave me a note and record my favorite books on cassette tape so I could hear her voice.You don't realize until you become a parent how selfless you have to be, and mom always gave her all to both me and my brother.

She also made every birthday or holiday special. Even though Ken and I shared the same birthday, we each had our own party each year, and she made a separate cake for each of us (mine was angel food cake every year). I was telling Mike the other night that she was a great tooth fairy, and she always gave me my favorite orange Bubbalicious without me waking up. My parents always overdid it on the gifts for us for Christmas, and we received something from her for even the smallest of holidays. I also mentioned to Mike that every single Christmas, my dad would buy my mom a million presents, and we would grow so tired of how the presents never ended for her. My brother and I would be done opening presents, and we would see that there were still 5 left for mom, and my brother and I would groan. The love between my parents was special, and their marriage should be a great example for all married couples, which we see so seldom these days.

Mom was the kind of mom that kept all of our childhood drawings, cards, and gifts. I even found all my baby teeth in her jewelry box this week. Not quite sure what we will do with those.... :)  She kept all of our childhood books, and I even have been reading some to Andrew over the past year. She mentioned in her letter to me that reading to Ken and me when we were children were "some of the best times of her life." She requested that I read those books to Andrew and mention that Grandma would have loved to read those books to him.

Mom also was a perfectionist in everything she did, whether it be school work or teaching her classes. She always received an A in her course work and went the extra mile for the students in her class. Looking at her planner this week, she did things that I would never take the time to do in my classes. She took special interest in each student (just as she did with her patients when she was working as a nurse), and even made sure she responded to each student in the discussions. She also had a special place in her heart for animals and the outdoors, and she was just a gentle soul all the way around.

Even though she left us earlier than we would have liked, I feel so blessed for the time that I did have with her. There are people that lose their mothers when they are young children or when they are young adults, but I was lucky enough to share so many major life events with her. She got to see me graduate from high school and college, as well as get married and have a baby. She was a lifesaver during my difficult pregnancy with Andrew. She was there for me the entire time, even though she was battling a terminal illness (always putting others before herself). She even came out to watch him every day for three months when I came off of maternity leave. I feel lucky that she got to be here for Andrew's entire first year and even be part of his first birthday party. I don't think anything brought her more joy than Andrew over the past year. While she may not know what type of impact she has had on my life, I find myself raising Andrew the exact same way she raised me; although, I can only dream of her kind of patience.

While I could go on forever of the things I will miss in my personal relationship with her, I will just mention some of the more significant ones that stand out in my mind. Some of these things are things I missed before I even lost her. I will miss taking the dogs out for walks and meeting to go out to lunch. I will miss talking about our favorite shows and our weekly magazine exchange. I will miss our long talks (I did most of the talking) and  her hugs and her unconditional love. Things will never be the same, but I am forever grateful for 32 AMAZING years and all the lessons she taught me.

On a final note, when I was over at my parents house this week, and I was bringing in something from the car, I found myself alone for minute. I heard some birds up in the tree above me singing happily. The thing that I found odd about it is that that is not a sound you hear at the beginning of February. I had been over there every day since Wednesday and would have noticed something like that, since it was so out of the ordinary. I would like to think that that was sign that mom is happy and in a much better place! I will look for peace and comfort wherever I can find it. I think I will even buy some bird seed this week. :) We love you and miss you so much, mom! Thank you for a lifetime of love and memories!